How Do You Engage?

My husband went to Iraq in 2004 and 2008. The first time, I had little babies and a big job. I changed my career, my trajectory. The second time, we got pregnant so the entire time he was gone I was occupied with growing a full human.

He came home two times.

We have worked through PTSD, injuries, guilt, reunion, raising kids. Our oldest two have both enlisted and are serving in the Army and the Navy. We will celebrate our 25th anniversary in months.

And now we are back at war. And for me when we do a preemptive war without congressional approval and people start to die I get a little heated. I believe in the power of the Geneva Conventions because although war is horrible and ugly, I believe if you have a play book you will be better off. Morally.

We’ve been watching the American Revolution documentary and my big boss called out that while we talk about it like a revolution it was really a civil war and a world war—often times, always . . . they are much more than we admit in real time. And it is violent. People do things you can’t imagine they will do. Brothers killing brothers over ideas.

And no one is paying attention. It makes me a little crazy that we are more concerned with Travis resigning with the Chiefs than what is happening in the white house. And I love Travis, but a line has been crossed for me.

One of my students said it best, “Waters, do you realize that in the first half of this semester, there have been two Saturdays were we have bombed other sovereign countries?” Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know that.

So . . . I post about it, I repost other people talking about it to get attention. To pry eyes off of NIL and Big 12 sports, off of the world baseball classic and even off of ICE raids, because we bombed other countries and killed leaders. We are responsible for the actions of our leader. To focus our eyes on the big picture and less on what we have or what we will lose and what is already lost. I try really hard to make sure what I share is real but also am okay with a little drama.

Do I have your attention, can you pay attention to this and dig in for yourself, over here, it is important, okay, good.

Well imagine my surprise when a high school friend decides to yell at me on Facebook for something I posted. What? A dude that I have not interacted with in decades says, “Really??? Your husband was in the military. You think our troops would act like this? Give our service members the benefit of the doubt and that you probably don’t have all the facts” in response to the bombing of the Iranian ship.

Wow. Okay. I struck a nerve.

Do I think it is possible that our troops would act in a way that is immoral? Yes. Even though those troops include my husband and children. Yes. Unfortunately, I do. Because there is evidence. We bombed two sovereign nations this semester.

And one of the best books ever written shows us that good people do bad things and bad people do horrendous things.

I dug into the story and discovered more—we don’t surface our subs to save people because it is unsafe, fair. The ship sunk fast so there was no time to send help. India and Pakistan were close by and offered assistance. The joint training mission was over and so any tie to non combat was over. Okay but for me a liberal-white-southern California-hippie want-to-be, still. We torpedoed an enemy ship without provocation. We are the aggressors. That to me is the root of the problem so do I think that our troops would do that? YES!

And buddy, you are paying attention and your outrage towards me is just fine but what are you doing to ensure that your friends and neighbors are paying attention to what is going on in the world right now. Thank YOU for your service and your decades of flying and leading. I appreciate it, really I do, but most people aren’t paying attention and will watch snippets on the news and not understand that when your kid says, you don’t have to have the blue star ready, yet, your entire body relaxes.

You, sir, are not my audience, but I’m happy to engage with you. Letter of the law did we do what is allowed, probably, but it is still morally wrong from where I sit. I hate war. I hate deployments. I hate Dover. I hate caskets. I hate posthumous medals. I hate PTSD. I hate all of it. So when I post something about war it is to get someone, anyone to pay attention because I cannot be the only one who is morally outraged.

So I ask you—how do you engage? Do you pay attention, do you try to get others to pay attention? Do you pick apart other people’s posts? Do you engage? Or not?

The beautiful thing about this country is that you don’t have to do anything. And maybe take that advice when you think zinging a person you haven’t had a real conversation with is the answer. It isn’t.